If you could change anything in your past
by TFALokiwriter
Summary: . . . . Which moment would you chose? The ending makes it a Wrath of Khan Alternate Universe.


Dying, that was the _easy_ part. Finding himself in a white haze surrounded by nothingness was confusing, distracting, and very 'disorienting'. He remembered speaking with the new captain from Star Fleet, being under a bridge, blood coming from the corner of his mouth. He had seen what was the shape of the _Enterprise_ in peripheral vision. His _Enterprise_. The one he had cherished as home for five years. Well . . . this was unexpected.

" **WHAT WOULD YOU WANT TO DO OVER AGAIN**?"

The voice was loud and booming.

"What kind of question is that?" Jim asked.

There was a great pause.

" **CHOOSE WISELY**."

Jim raised an eyebrow.

"Are you related to The Guardian of Forever?" Jim asked.

There was another great pause.

" **NO! WE ARE NOT RELATED**!"

Jim folded his arms.

"Show yourself!" Jim said.

There was a pause.

" **NEGATIVE. I AM NOT TO BE SEEN, THEREFOR, AS THE RULES SAY, I MUST BE OUT OF YOUR VISION IN ORDER TO IN-DIRECTLY MATTER TO YOUR LIFETIME**."

Jim lowered his eyebrow.

"Time traveler, eh?" Jim asked.

Another great pause.

" **NEGATIVE**."

Jim sighed.

"Then who the hell are you?" Jim asked.

It seemed whoever brought him here was choosing their words wisely.

" **I AM NOTHINGNESS. I AM EVERYTHING. I AM EVERYWHERE. I AM SPACE. I AM TIME. I AM . . . NONE OF YOUR CONCERN."**

"Then what do you suppose I call you?" Jim asked.

 **"NOTHING!"**

"Uh huh." Jim said, not convinced.

 **"I AM GIVING YOU A CHANCE TO CHANGE YOUR FATE INSTEAD OF YOUR SOUL BEING STUCK IN THE NEXUS FOREVER, AND ETERNITY."** A floating image appeared showing images of the past. Naturally the first image was of Tribbles falling down around the captain. **"NATURALLY I WOULD ASK YOU TO THANK ME FOR THIS BUT DUE TO YOUR UNRULY PERSISTENCE OF LEARNING MY NAME, I WILL NOT PERMIT YOU TO THANK ME."**

"If my soul is stuck in the nexus then why am I here?" J **im asked.**

 **"YOU ARE IN NOTHINGNESS, ADMIRAL KIRK. I** **_brought_** **YOU HERE TO CHANGE YOUR FATE AND SET YOUR DEATH STRAIGHT. EVERYONE IS CRITICIZING YOUR DEATH AND CALL IT THE WORST OF THE WORST. I, NOTHING, WILL CHANGE THAT AS MUCH AS YOUR DEATH DISPLEASES ME. YOU SHOULD SEE THE PEOPLE WHO TRY TO REWRITE YOUR FATE AND THEY ALWAYS END THE SAME. HAPPY ENDING, BUT THIS WILL BE DIFFERENT. YOU CAN CHOSE TO LIVE OUT YOUR LIFE STARTING FROM 2264 OR ANY OTHER MOMENT PRIOR TO 2293."**

Jim watched the passing images tapping his chin.

"Change my fate . . . and destiny."

 **"THE NEXUS WAS A MISTAKE. YOU WERE NEVER SUPPOSED TO GO THERE."**

"All right then, my fate it is."

 **"WHICH WILL YOU CHOSE, ADMIRAL KIRK?"**

Jim's eyes widened.

"Stop right there!"

The image froze.

 **"DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU LIKE?"**

Jim shook his head.

"My friend going to his death." Jim said, sadly.

 **"WOULD YOU LIKE TO CHANGE THAT?"** The booming voice asked.

Jim raised his head up.

"Yes." Jim said.

" **HOW FAR WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO BACK?** " The booming voice inquired.

"Before Spock realized what he had to do." Jim said.

* * *

Jim found himself in the chair. The captain's chair. There was panic set about the bridge. The bridge! It occurred to Kirk that Spock, in exactly minutes, will make the most difficult choice he may ever had to make. Kirk's family, the one aboard the _Enterprise,_ would need to grieve. He knew that humans didn't have katras nor could they engage in mind melds with others. He had decided, before going into the portal, on how to best get off the bridge.

So of course, he had to ask Nothing for some assistance.

Nothing turned out to be helpful by extending the life of Khan for exactly three minutes. Enough time for this little lie to come into play.

"Spock, you have the conn."

"Why?"

"I forgot to send Khan a little of his 'keepsake'."

His friend, Spock, still at his prime. Nothing had allowed Kirk to see what Spock may look like one hundred plus years into the future. Kirk would always live in Spock's memories. The Vulcan raised an eyebrow, at first confused about a 'keepsake', but then he lowered it. Kirk went into the turbo lift,keeping his cool, and then the doors closed. He grabbed the handle, muttering, "Change destination to engine room." He had seen the memory where older Spock was looking down at a holoemitter which had Kirk talking about their younger years. How heart broken the Vulcan was.

The doors opened to reveal the engine room.

"Jim, why are you here?" Came McCoy's unexpected comment.

Jim had missed McCoy, in many ways he could not count.

"Isn't it obvious."

"No, it is not."

"I am here to help."

Nothing had shown Kirk a alternative timeline where a younger man donning his name risked his life to save the _Enterprise_ and everyone on board. He had shown him the scene that unfolded that was similar yet different to the one he had shared with his Spock. His Spock. Jim saw the other Spock display emotion at a loss. And when the man died, the Vulcan screamed the name of Khan loudly and full of vengeance. Those bright blue pairs of eyes had lost their light. His Spock was in the now. In the moment. On the bridge: where he should be.

McCoy frowned, masking what anqurish and bewilderment he must be experiencing.

"Are you out of your mind, Jim?" McCoy asked. "A human can not survive radiation in there!"

Nothing had given explicit instructions on how to fix the problem in the room. A room that he never had entered before. Jim was dead set on saving the life of his friend. His best friend. His brother who was more than that. Spock meant the entire galaxy to Jim. Jim would do anything for his friend. Risk his ship, his career, his son (who will not die this time around), and this time if Nothing was correct the planet Genesis wouldn't destroy itself. A entire planet could not stand the loss of Spock. But it could, theoretically, withstand Jim's death.

"You are right, Bones," Jim said. It occurred to Jim that this might be almost and partially the same conversation Spock would have had with McCoy. "What is Scotty's condition?"

McCoy turned in the direction of Scotty who was on the ground, unconscious, but alive.

"Well, I don't think that he-" Jim applied the Vulcan nerve pinch to McCoy's shoulder then sat him down against the wall.

"I am sorry,Bones," Jim apologized. "But I have to do this for Spock."

Jim got up then put on Scotty's protective radiation gloves and he entered the chamber. He closed the door behind him. If they tried to open it then it would flood the whole compartment. Spock wouldn't do that, it would be illogical. Nothing had promised to make the visual view of the interior clear. Which Jim didn't get that part because why would his vision be impaired doing something so major?

"JIM, STOP!" McCoy shouted.

"Listen to him, Admiral!" Came Scotty's voice.

 _For Spock_ , Jim reminded himself.

Jim could feel what was an unusual air-like feeling brushing against his face and he could feel the burns searing themselves onto the side of his face. It felt like his skin was boiling underneath his skin, his body covered in needles, and his body was going through a terrible ordeal. None the less, Jim reminded himself: _For Spock_. Jim closed the lid then he felt unusually tired. Weak. His back slumped against the container. Jim took off the gloves putting them on the floor. His eyes closed, at rest, to regain what strength he had lost.

"Good work, Mr Scott." Came Spock's voice over the intercom.

Jim's vision was blurry.

"Spock, I think you'd. . . you better get down here." McCoy's voice was grim.

Two minutes later, he heard the doors open.

Then he heard someone walk out.

"Doctor McCoy, what is the meaning of this request?" Spock asked, likely with his hands behind his back.

 _Spock lived_.

"He's dead, Spock." Over the tens of thousands of times McCoy has told this to Jim, and now, it has to be Spock in his position.

Spock, likely, was puzzled.

"Who is dead?" Spock asked.

"I am sorry, Spock." McCoy said.

Spock walked over and then he stopped in his tracks.

"Jim . . ." Spock said.

Jim could hear the voice of his friend. He opened his eyes to see the shapes of blurry figures, and then he looked over to see a familiar not-so-blurry face staring back at him emotionless. This was his Spock, one who he had trusted time after time to do what was right with his ship when under captivity or when they were both under captivity. He was alive. That is all that mattered to Jim. Spock had one hand on the transparent wall appearing to be hurt. His emotionless face turned from stoic to hurt, despair, and grief all in one moment. Perhaps it was because he had awaken.

Jim used his remaining strength to come over to the glass.

His legs, god, they ached.

His body screamed to be put out of his misery. No doubt he was in pain. The Vulcan appeared to be concerned. It was the only indicator that his pain was obvious. If he was in great pain, his first officer would step in and naturally try to stop it if he could and if it were a logical choice. He could be compared to as a walking living sapient computer build to be human and look human even with the pointy ears. If he were in less pain and it wasn't obvious, Spock would have his poker face on.

"W. . . why did you lie?" Spock asked.

Jim smiled.

"To save you." Jim said.

Spock's fingers placed themselves into the Vulcan gesture.

"Admiral, you did not need to save me," Spock said. "My life was not on the line and logically, your reason is illogical."

That would be a correct response, but if Spock knew. . . If Spock knew.

"How's. . . How is the ship, Spock?" Jim asked.

"She made it." Spock said.

Jim smiled, placing his two fingers on the window separating them and put them on the surface where his fingers would meet Spock's.

"I have, and always will be, yours." Jim said.

"Admiral. . ." Spock said. "Why risk your life?"

"The needs of the one outweigh . . ." Jim said.

"The needs of the few." Spock said, as Jim's hand slid down.

"Or the many." Jim finished.

Jim had purposely said it in the wrong order.

Just to put it out there: _I love you._

And Spock had technically said it back.

His vision was becoming blurry, numbness was becoming evident through his body,the life and the energy that once carried him throughout the galaxy slowly left. There were so many things he could have said to his friends right then and there, his face covered in scars, appearing as though he had aged more than a decade, and left with content in his life. His vision was becoming darker by the seconds ticking by.

When a man is in love, he will do anything for that person.

Hence the crudely misconstructed "The needs of the one outweigh the needs of the few, or the many." when it should be "the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one." A phrase he had heard so many years ago. Jim's life was leaving, fleeting away, in fact. He had one final smile observing his Vulcan friend who was disappearing in the darkness. He couldn't let Spock see his death mask. It was a logical move, one that he had seen Spock do. Turn away and fall over lacking life.

And he had one last farewell to do.

"Live long and . . prosper, Spock." Jim said.

"Jim. . ." Spock said.

Jim turned away and the last he felt was the ground.

" _No._ " Was the last word he would hear.

An emotional distraught 'No'.

When Jim's vision cleared, he was young again, sitting in his chair watching the scene unfold from a different perspective. Jim noticed he was in his golden uniform. He had the hands of a young captain. One who had single handedly saved the lives of the many and stood in the way when something wasn't right. He looked over to see the Vulcan was in grief.

"I will wait for you, Spock," Jim said. "I hope you know that."

And the wait began.

 **The End**.


End file.
